In the context of creativity, a common blocker to exploring personal interests can be our resistance to putting time and energy into ourselves. Your logical brain tells you this is not a priority, and common thoughts such as ‘I should be grateful I have a job, loved one, a family (insert social norm here), and should get back to real work’. In reality, play and creative time are extremely important to our health; physical and mental.
We are conditioned, especially as women, to put others first and our own needs second. The amount of times I’ve heard ‘she is so selfless’ as the highest compliment, and truth be told this makes me extremely sad. A dose of selfishness is healthy and necessary to fulfil our own desires, each of us has unique interests that light us up, and this should be celebrated and encouraged. Social pressures can be loud and feel all-consuming but remember you always have a choice about how and who you spend your time with. At first, it will be difficult saying no and drawing boundaries, but the reward of respecting yourself is huge and it gets easier as you keep your people pleasing in check.
Our social conditioning as women starts young. Studies have shown when girls are asked if they want something to eat (in a group setting) they will ask for a consensus in a group, surveying everyone else to see whether they want to eat, and will go along with the majority of the group’s desires. Boys simply answer the same question individually based on their instincts with a yes or no depending on whether they are hungry or not. As girls we lose touch with our instincts at a very young age and stop listening to our own desires, to blend into society around us. We now know that, for example, autism is underdiagnosed in girls vs boys, as girls are much more adept at blending in with their peers and pretending to outwardly express the same emotions and functioning as people around them. More emphasis is placed on girls to be helpful, friendly, and smile at strangers. All this social conditioning makes it easy to lose our own identity and having space to pursue our own interests is not even deemed possible. And, if we are bold enough to dream of something bigger we beat ourselves up for even daring to ask for something beyond what we already have.
If you think about the language around self-love, she’s so ‘full of herself’. Just take a minute, pause and think about how backwards that statement is! Why is it a bad thing to be full up with yourself? Your own identity, courage, love, and interests. Only when you look after your own needs, do you have the energy to help others. This is not an easy task though, taking time out for yourself, as it’s so deeply ingrained in us, in particular cultures and environments not to be ‘selfish’. Honestly, I think it’s a necessity to be self-full, to indulge our dreams and passions to enable us to bring this energy to our work, family and wider social circles.
Part of the reason we find it so difficult to spend time alone with our interests is our social programming. For survival reasons, throughout history, we have needed to cooperate and live within a large social community. So naturally, a focus on our individual needs can feel like you’re betraying other people’s needs. There’s a big difference between solitude and loneliness. The choice to spend quality time alone is solitude, and as an introvert, I find this a necessary part of my self-care routine. Feeling lonely is detrimental to our health, as our survival used to depend on being part of a group, so our historical wiring literally views being alone as a threat to our lives and we still live with this programmed within our bodies and brains.
Creating quality time for ourselves to pursue a creative practice is key to happiness. Whatever that means to you if that’s a new hobby, or creating a business so you can leave that day job which no longer interests you. The first question to ask yourself is when are you at your best? Are you a morning person, or a night owl? We are all busy people, so the trick to creating more space is identifying a time slot we can put aside just for ourselves and create a habit to put yourself first without giving it a second thought. Whether that’s early in the morning before the kids wake up or in the evening once everyone is in bed. Maybe it’s once a month on a Sunday. And remind yourself, this time is important to you but will have a positive ripple effect on the rest of your life and the people around you.
Even if you’re in a rut at work or in general life, putting time aside for your passion will mean you’ll be more likely to increase feelings of being content and energised, knowing you are dedicating some time for yourself and your interests. It’s amazing how quickly even 30 minutes a day can add up to a new painting collection, a first book, or a new career. If you don’t start now, you’ll never know what’s possible. It’s never too early or too late to start something new. You also have no idea where your new pursuit will take you until you start DOING it. It’s so important if you’re ever to get close to your potential, to give it a go, as keeping an idea in your head and never giving it a try can lead to a lack of purpose and ultimately feelings of depression. There’s a reason we have dreams and desires that never leave us. We all have unique talents that yearn to be explored, and denying this can be detrimental. We want to please our partners, parents, and friends. That’s natural and normal, but without spending quality time with ourselves and listening to our desires you’ll be empty and have nothing to give. You can become a green-eyed monster, control freak or listless, depressed. I’m not throwing around these things lightly, as at one stage of my life I felt all these emotions from denying myself a passion for painting.
I went to art school studying textile design as I thought this would guarantee a career. Instead, I graduated in 2008, during a global recession and so had to get to work in retail, without being able to rely on family income I was unable to do unpaid work experience, a reality of getting into textile design. After years of treading this path to gain work in design, I got really fed up with the knockbacks and stopped doing anything creative. I took a year off doing anything creative and eventually came to the conclusion I need to be creative even if it doesn’t pay or create an alternative career path for me. I became miserable without creativity. To break free of expectations that weighed heavy and take enjoyment from my creativity, I thought I’ll go back to creativity just for enjoyment. So instead of boiling my brain working out how I get out of a corporate job into a creative job, I’ll go back to my first love - painting. And what surprised me is that it wasn’t long before I started getting asked for commissions without even trying.
It took me a long time to listen to that voice inside me again, about what intrigues me and lights me up. We spend a lot of time listening to the opinions of others, and traditionally creative pursuits are seen as frivolous and not a viable income. We take on other people’s limiting beliefs and it reinforces our wanting to stay safe, in our lane, and not try anything new. For me I found creativity to be a necessity and it’s opened up a new world to me, working with galleries, and selling artwork. All this started with putting an hour aside before work and saying yes to myself. Most importantly I’m much happier working on my creative passion and putting regular time aside for myself. So I encourage you to be selfish and start exploring your interests as you never know where they could lead.
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